So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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