PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
