i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
