Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
