he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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