I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
