so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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