I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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