90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
