When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
