Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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