East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
