i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
