So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
