when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
