I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
