so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
