hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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