Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
