I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
