Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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