you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
