drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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