he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
