Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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