Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
