Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
