You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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