Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
