I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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