i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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