Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
