I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
