can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
