One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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