I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Drunk walkin through police station. America
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
