How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
