There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
