MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
