Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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