apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
