Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
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