I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
