You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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