That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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