Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
