she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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