the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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