I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
