My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
