You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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