We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
