Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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