If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Boobs are out for the taking
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize