i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
