He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
